DRACULA VS. FRANKENSTIEN (1971) DRACULA VS. FRANKENSTIEN (1971)


Hoo-boy, have I got a movie for you! In the fine tradition of Ali vs. Norton, Tyson vs. Holyfield and Bambi vs Godzilla, I humbly present "Dracula vs Frankenstien"...and boy, does this movie blow chunks! I don't wanna exaggerate, folks, but the only reason you'd be able to get me to watch this stinkburger would be to induce vomiting...or cough up a hairball!



Our story opens on Oakmoor Cemetary (you can't miss it--it's got the cheesy wooden sign with the Old-English letters stenciled on...), where someone's digging unearthing a certain grave by himself. Turns out that the grave belongs to...get this...the Frankenstien Monster! And the industrious sot digging the monster out of his eternal resting place is none other than Count Dracula himself (played by Zandor Vorkov...I know, you can stop laughing now!). Now, just what the Sam Scratch does Dracula want with the monster, anyhoo? Keep watching...if you can stay awake that long...
Before the wonders of plastic surgery, Cher was a whole other woman...

 (I should mention here that, contrary to popular conceptions, the title monsters in this epic look nothing like the much-beloved Universal creatures of long ago. The Frankenstien Monster that Dracula digs up is one of the rock-bottom worst such make-up jobs ever...the creature basically looks like he's got bubble-gum smeared all over his face [see picture]. And Zandor Vorkov's Prince of the Undead looks like a striking mixture of Frank Zappa, The Master from "Manos: The Hands of Fate", and a badly made-up mime...pretty disturbing when you take it all in. Now, let's continue...)

Oooo-kay...now we zip over to Las Vegas (played by lots of travelogue stock-footage...a must in every B-movie), where singer Judi Fontaine (the pantingly-hot Regina Carroll, also the director's wife) is a-knockin' 'em dead on stage with a terribly lip-synched musical number. After that little bit of torture, Judi goes backstage and gets a telegram from her sister out in Los Angeles. Without so much as a howdy-do, Judi splits for L.A., hoping to find her. Of course, Judi's sis was decapitated a little earlier in the film, but we won't let that spoil the fun.
"So, how do you want your Monster...regular or Extra Crispy?"

Now we zip back to L.A., and to a seedy waterfront amusement park; turns out the local house-of-horrors at that park is run by one Dr. Duryea (a frail-looking J. Carrol Naish in his last role), who is really the last surviving member of...you guessed it, the Frankenstien family! Actually, he bears a striking resemblance to Colonel Sanders zooming around a Grade-Z movie set in a wheelchair, but let's not belabor things here. Turns out the good doctor's been experimenting with how terror...such as during that split-second before decapitation, for instance...energizes the molecular structure of blood, or something along those lines. As you can no doubt guess, this interests our favorite Lord of the Vampires to no small degree, and he offers Dr. Duryea a hand in both his research and in carrying out his revenge. It turns out a Dr. Beaumont did the Doc wrong somewhere (it's not that clear what it is, really...maybe he was the one out of five doctors who didn't choose Bayer Aspirin. Who knows?), and he's gotta pay big-time. So later that night, both Drac and the newly-reanimated Monster visit Dr. Beaumont (sci-fi super-fan/icon Forrest J. Ackerman, in a cameo), who is bear-hugged to death by said Monster. Ooooh, you can just feel them shivers up your spine. Yeah.

Meanwhile, Judi scours the waterfront in search of her sister. Her investigation leads her to a hippie hang-out/bar (cleverly decorated with the word "POT" scrawled on the wall), where a sleazy biker-type dude name Rico (Russ Tamblyn) slips a lid of LSD in her coffee. And you guessed it, Judi has a major freak-out in front of everyone at the bar. (Why do you think they call it "dope"? Look no further...) Shortly afterwards, Judi wakes up at the hip pad of Mike Howard (Anthony Eisley), a self-confessed "observer" and member of the hippie crowd that Judi's sister hung out with. Mike wears the standard-issue hippie clothes (brightly-colored pancho, love beads, etc.), but the poor dope otherwise looks like your basic, clean-cut, short-haired Joe Average. Eventually, Judi and Mike make kissy-face with each other, and he agrees to help her out on her search.

Eventually, Judi and Mike enter Dr. Duryea's sanctum sanctorum in the amusement park, where sure enough, she finds her sister in the Doc's laboratory. You see, Dr. Duryea gets his supply of fresh blood for his serum (and the semi-nude gals resting in the lab) by sending his moronic mute henchman Groton (a sadly dissipated Lon Chaney Jr., also in his final role) out at night and hackin' up potential donors. Soon, the jig is up and somehow all Hell breaks loose (I forget how and I refuse to go look); Dr. Duryea--o, bitter irony--gets himself decapitated by his spook-house's guillotine, and Dracula (remember him? fries Mike with a cartoon lightning bolt from his ring (!). Then Drac has the Monster take Judi with them to this disheveled shack in the woods that is supposed to pass for a castle.

Well, Drac has Judi tied up (I know what you're thinking, so forget it--this is a PG-rated movie...), and he's about to do something real nasty to her...again, I refuse to go look again...when Frankenstein's Monster protests. See, the Monster's got hisself a big ol' crush on Judi (naturally!), and Dracula doesn't take too kindly to this turn of events. So the two monsters go outside and have the climactic battle promised in the title. In a fight that must have inspired a certain scene in "Monty Python and The Holy Grail", Dracula tears Frank apart limb by limb; just when you expect Frank to shriek "I'll bite both your kneecaps off!", the morning sun peeks thru the trees. Just as he's about to reach the door to the old shack (which I now remember is a church...but what would a vampire be doing inside a church?) though, the Lord of the Undead is burned into a pile of leaves. Or Ashes. Or something.

Oh, yeah. Judi manages to free herself...if you care. The End.
Will her Mystery Date be a dream...or a dud?

Oh, boy. This is one of those movies that you either really love (for its Grade-Z cheesiness) or really hate (for the exact same reason). It's interesting to note that this was the final movie of both J. Carrol Naish (Dr. Duryea/Frankenstien, who had to perform his role in his wheelchair) and Lon Chaney Jr. (himself in the final stages of throat cancer); "Dracula vs. Frankenstien", as you can see, wasn't exactly the ideal ending to their distinguished careers. (Then there's Zandor Vorkov, whose career pretty much began and ended with this movie, but that's another story...) Speaking of classic performers who were slumming in this film, the legendary Frankenstein lab equipment from the great 1931 Boris Karloff film puts in an appearance as the equipment in Dr. Duryea's laboratory. That very same equipment would later be used in a much better movie: Mel Brooks' "Young Frankenstien". Unlike Mel's treatment of the Frankenstien legend, however, "Dracula vs. Frankenstein" is unintentionally funny.

"Dracula vs. Frankenstein" was directed by the late Al Adamson, who proved to be a cinematic cheesemaster deluxe in the 60's and '70's. This movie is his debut entry in the Graveyard of Movies. And believe it or not, folks, it won't be his last.


--Jeff "Widget" Myers


CREDITS:Director & Producer: Al Adamson Screenplay: William Pugsley, Sam Sherman Producers: Samuel M. Sherman, John Van Horne Executive Producer: Mardi Rustam Associate Producer: Mohammed Rustam Original Music by: William Lava Cinematography: Paul Glickman, Gary Graver Film Editing: Erwin Cadden Art Direction: Ray Markham, Gray Morrow Make-up: Sheldon Lee Special Make-up: George Barr, Tony Tierney Special Make-up Artist: Gary Kent Hair Stylist: Gretchen Moon Production Manager: Gloria Betrue Assistant Director: Ray Markman Sound: Bob Dietz, Dale Skillicorn Optical Effects and Title Design: Bob LeBar Special Electronic Effects: Ken Strickfaden Technical Advisor: Forrest J. Ackerman Special Consultant: Victor Adamson Still Photographer: Hedy Dietz Property Master: Charles Hutchison Executive in Charge of Production: Dan Q. Kennis.

CAST: Dr. Frankenstien AKA Dr. Duryea:J. Carrol Naish Groton: Lon Chaney Jr. Mike Howard: Anthony Eisley Judith Fontaine: Regina Carrol The Stranger: Graydon Clark Grazbo: Angelo Rossitto Samantha: Anne Morrell Bikers: William Bonner, John "Bud" Carlos (uncredited) Rico: Russ Tamblyn Sgt. Martin: Jim Davis Count Dracula: Zandor Vorkov Frankenstien's Monster: John Bloom The Creature: Shelly Weiss Dr. Beaumont: Forrest J. Ackerman Bob: Gary Kent

1971; an Independant-International production and release. Running time: 90 minutes. Color by Deluxe. Rated PG. Also released as: "The Blood Seekers", "Blood of Frankenstein","Revenge of Dracula", "Satan's Bloody Freaks", "Teenage Dracula", "They're Coming to Get You".

  • BACK TO THE GRAVEYARD!!!