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"Greetings, my friends! We are all interested interested in the future, for that is where you and I will spend the rest of our lives! You are interested in the strange, the unusual...that is why you are here! And now we give you ALL the facts, based on the sworn testimony of the miserable souls who survived this terrible ordeal! Let us punish the guilty--let us reward the innocent! My friends...can your heart stand the shocking facts about...PUMA'S GRAVEYARD OF MOVIES?!"