So You Wanna Start Your Own B-Movie Library?


So...you've decided to start your own B-movie video library, eh bubbie? (You poor misguided fool, you...) Now that you've read about the many cinematic stiffs that Hollywierd has to offer on this site, you want to start your own collection of movies...so that on that day when you're bored by that latest James Cameron-directed, ILM-computer-effects-filled big-budget yawnfest, you can pull down one of Ed Wood's classics and experience what moviemaking is really like...right?



Well...before you do, you should know that starting your own collection can be more fun than the average human should have. But you may also get one big pain in the neck after another like this poor slob. Before you begin, there's more than a few important things you should know about buying movies on tape.


Know What's Out There! That's where a site like ours can help. However, if you really want to do some serious digging, consult with either the Internet Movie Database or (if you'd rather go the print route), Leonard Maltin's Movie Guide, available at your bookstore. In fact, you'd be amazed at just how much information you can excavate on B-movies just by going to your local library.

But if you'd rather go the high-tech route, there are more than a few websites out there on the World Wide Wait that devote themselves to B-grade cinema; we've listed a few of the best ones on the Nanoscope part of our site. Happy hunting...


Rent Before You Buy! This is self explanatory. If you immediately grab the first tape on the shelf...expecially if it's a title you've never heard of before, anywhere...chances are good that you'll end up with some stinker you're gonna really hate, no matter what the store clerk tells you. Don't purchase a movie blind!


Beware of Public Domain Titles! Some studios, more often due to sloppy copyrighting procedures than anything else, have inadvertantly allowed the copyright of a particular movie to expire after its original period of protection ended. Or there are movies out there that were never owned outright by any major studio...or were owned by a studio that no longer exists. In either case, once the copyright expires, that movie then enters the public domain--which often means that any enterprising jerk with two VCRs can make a copy of that movie and then sell it...and not pay royalties of any kind. Neat system, eh?

But the quality of these tapes are bound to vary from watchable to downright cruddy...so obtaining a high-quality copy of a public-domain film on tape is bound to be a real crap-shoot at best. Sure, that VHS copy of "Reefer Madness" you got at the local Walgreens for six bucks may sound like a cool deal--at first. Just don't expect the same kind of quality you'd get from, say, Paramount, Warner, or MGM.


Sequels Are Like Photocopies From Photocopies--The More You Make, The Worse They Are. Such sequel-driven series as Friday The 13th and Nightmare on Elm Street are classic examples of this motto at work. The originals are okay--just avoid most of the sequels.


If A Movie Has "Dead" or "Living Dead" in The Title and If George Romero's Name Isn't Listed In The Credits, DON'T Expect a George Romero Film! Nuff said.



If A Video Has "Cult Classic" Stamped on the Box, Chances Are It Isn't. A lot of times a video distributor, always quick to sniff out a fast buck or three, will take what is unquestionably the lowest form of dreck that's out there...say, a made-for-video suckfest or a repackaged made-for-TV movie...and pass it off as some newly-discovered cult-film classic. A lot of times, this will also mean that said movie will be some retitled dreck that you swore you saw late night on USA several months ago. Do your homework, gang...video distributors will do anything to come between you and your hard-earned shekels. If you bought such a tape hoping for a perfect night's entertainment, chances are you're in for a stiff.


Check Your Video Store's Return Policy! Some stores that sell pre-recorded tapes will refund damaged tapes...some won't. Some stores are particularly antsy about opened boxes nowadays. Ask the clerk (or better, the manager) of your store what their return policy is--and go from there.


I must point out that most of the above information I gleaned from Fangoria's own video guide isssues...sprinkled here and there with some of my own observations. Now that you know the ins and outs of video-collecting, I'll let you go......


BACK TO THE GRAVEYARD!!!